and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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