Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
