no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
