dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
