you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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