I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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