I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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