Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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