dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
