YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize