Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
