she was so not down for the gang bang
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
