i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
