Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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