I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
be right there i have to get my cape
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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