she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
