did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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