I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
