Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
