dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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