She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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