Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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