just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
