I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
