Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
