I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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