something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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