my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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