So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
