i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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