I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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