he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
