I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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