I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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