Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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