You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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