Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
