I'm sorry my penis didn't work
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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