there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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