Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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