you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
