Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
