i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
