I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He's on the porch naked. Help.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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