I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
