Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
