i think my mom watched the whole time
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
