fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
