Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
