i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
